A Brilliant Adaptation: How Dissociative Identity Disorder & the Power of the Therapeutic Bond Saved Me

What line or passage from A Brilliant Adaptation feels especially significant to you, and why?

“Dr. Siegel” – I had to ask – “what if I’m not strong enough to know it all? What if I can’t survive remembering and knowing any of it?”

There was a rather long silence in the room, but I could feel his absolute presence resonating there with me. He put his notebook down, and with it the piece of paper on which I’d written the word I couldn’t say. He was careful to place it face down so I wouldn’t see it. He kept his eyes on me with so much compassion I could feel it. He knew my pain and despair. He had seen it, but he wasn’t absorbing it, and it wasn’t hurting him. He was right there alongside me with it, metaphorically holding my hand. When he finally did speak, he said the most profound thing anyone had ever said to me: “You’ve survived, Sally. You survived.”

I hadn’t thought of it like that.. It was an incredible thing to hear. I was scared, but I would be okay. I had survived it already. (page 70)

I like this passage because it is the essence of my story – that it was hard, painful and often felt like I could not go on – but with his awareness and attunement, I did go on because it had already happened – and was not going to happen again – but I could remember it – that it was so important to encode the implicit memory explicitly, allowing the protective dissociative memory barriers to dissolve.

What are you most proud of when you consider your book and everything it took to create it?

I’m so proud that it seems to have touched so many – people with DID and therapists working with trauma and dissociation. And I am hugely proud of the work Dr. Siegel and I did together. I am proud that it also seems to be giving people a different view of what DID and therapy are and can be. I’m proud that my story shows how deeply transformative therapy through the IPNB lens can be.

What does healing mean to you, and how did writing A Brilliant Adaptation fit into your healing journey? How has your understanding of healing changed since you began the book?

Healing for me – and I know it is not how everyone heals – was making sense of my childhood so I could tell the story of it – remember it & know it all – and that it was my story – my history – not my present and that I was able to maintain all the memory, thoughts, wisdom and meaning that the dissociated self-states of my child mind held safe from me for so long, and no longer dissociate. I wrote the book over 30 years after starting therapy with Dr. Siegel so truly my healing had happened – but writing the memoir has deepened my appreciation for all that I endured , all that I healed, all the work Dr. Siegel and I did – and how free from the constraints of the horrors of my childhood I am.

What’s the first book you remember reading?

I don’t remember titles, but as young as third grade I loved reading biographies….always interested in people’s stories.

What is the earliest book or piece of writing that really stayed with you, or made you want to write?

I’ve always wanted to write – took many years to get to the book. I’ve always been a fan of non-fiction more than fiction….but my favorite writer is Hemmingway and The Sun Also Rises really got me in college. The best memoir that really inspired me was Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking.

What books or authors have influenced you, your writing, and/or your writing process?

My writing process just seemed to happen and my book flowed from me….I didn’t want to read much while I was working on A Brilliant Adaptation because I didn’t want to be influenced – I wanted it to come from my deepest awareness of me and my life and therapeutic process with Dr. Siegel.

What role does writing play in your life?

I’ve always liked to write – and am doing more and more these days in support of my book – so I guess it’s just what I do now along with being a psychotherapist.

What drew you to writing, and how did that lead to A Brilliant Adaptation?

I’ve wanted to write about my life for many years but it just never quite came to me….it was just a story I always wanted to tell and finally it came to me and unfolded.

What three words would you use to describe yourself?

Curious…hopeful…grounded.

How does having/being a system impact your writing process?

No longer having DID – and I don’t know that I ever thought of it or experienced it as a system – for me, the states were verbs – actions, not nouns – entities. I was telling the story of how the states of my mind held what could not be known as a child….once I was safe and an adult no longer dependent on that family – it unfolded. I could know it. The states were my memories and that is what unfolded….

Why is it important for stories about lived experience with DID to be available?

My great hope is to have an impact on how DID is perceived both within the culture and mental health profession – there are many ways DID is experienced and worked with – I’ve yet to meet anyone who had DID resembling what so much of how pop culture & film business thinks of & portrays it. It’s so helpful for people with DID & therapists working with DID to have a clearer realistic view of DID – how it develops and how it is open to healing.

What do you find most challenging about writing about DID?

I didn’t find it challenging – I found the writing of it exhilarating! It felt powerful to write it.

How has your understanding of identity changed through getting to know different parts of yourself?

Again – not really my experience of writing – my experience of therapy was about knowing my history….the memories and the brilliant adaptations keeping me safe….about knowing what my childhood was.

How do you write about trauma without sensationalizing it?

I knew writing a memoir such as mine there would be difficult things to write – but I also knew I had to write honestly about what happened to me as a child – how that led to DID…..so it’s honest and difficult I’m sure for many – but it’s what happened. Child abuse is so difficult to take in – I wanted people to understand the severity of abuse.

What factors determined which stories went in your final manuscript?

In the editing process it came down to what moved the story forward….and the word count!

How do you decide when a story is ready to share?

I just knew when I was done it was done…and that I wanted to share it. I ran it by three people first though to make sure it rang true to them – Dr. Siegel, my ex-husband, and my son. They all loved it and it reflected their experience of that period in my life.

How did you choose how to organize the material in your book?

It just unfolded – started at the beginning and ended just about when I was done writing.

How did A Brilliant Adaptation evolve from its earliest draft to the final version? Describe times when its direction fundamentally changed.

The direction never changed much – but I had incredible editors that helped me fine-tune my writing. I originally ended it with my last therapy session with Dr. Siegel, and a good friend and writer said he thought readers would want to be brought up to date about my life today – so I added that part.

Are there any hidden meanings or symbols in your book that readers might not immediately notice?

No….it’s all out there.

What were the most enjoyable, and the most challenging aspects of writing A Brilliant Adaptation?

It was all a positive process for me.

How do you navigate emotions that arise while writing and after?

The only time I got truly emotional wasn’t in the writing – it was reading it out loud to others – and not the childhood things – that I’d long ago cried many tears toward resolution – it was about my son and my divorce – that brought up lots of emotion – but good emotion – it truly was all such a positive experience to remember and tell it all.

What did you discover about yourself—emotionally, creatively, or otherwise—while working on this project?

Mostly that I could write a book! That I could know, tell, write and talk openly about it all. It’s my story that I am proud of and have no hesitation talking about.

What perspectives, assumptions, or personal narratives did you find yourself questioning or challenging through this work?

This was not a challenging experience – it was maybe the most positive free flowing experience of my life. The challenge was – and often continues to be – to come up against the many misconceptions about DID and of childhood abuse – and that so many do not believe healing is possible – including my own field of mental health.

What surprised you through this process?

How it flowed….and how much I loved writing it.

What role do you think storytelling plays in healing?

I think it’s essential – in IPNB, making sense of our stories is key – the therapeutic process is about sorting through memory, present experience, and imagining our potential future….my therapy was how I made sense of my story. It set me free.

What impacts have you experienced from writing A Brilliant Adaptation?

So far, the impact has been positive and welcoming….people are moved and I think uplifted by it.

What’s it been like sharing your work more publicly?

In a word – incredible…

What do you wish more people understood about listening to someone else’s lived experience?

I wish people could take in lived experience as essential information. I wish people could be less shocked about what childhood sexual abuse is – it’s so prevalent that to be shocked over and over again in my opinion creates an impression that it’s a rare occurrence – when it’s so prevalent.

When does telling your story feel empowering, and when can it feel vulnerable or complicated?

So far, only empowering.

What responses have you had from readers?

So far – only positive.

What do you hope readers experience when they read A Brilliant Adaptation?

That healing is possible – that trauma of all kinds is not meant to be a life-long prison.

What do you hope readers will learn about their own story from reading your book?

Maybe just to know it….to be curious about the truth of their own stories whether they share it or not.

How do you measure the impact of sharing your story—if at all?

I’m not sure about this one.

Do you believe that books have the power to change society? If so, how does this belief influence your writing?

I hope they do…and one of my inspirations was to bring a clearer perspective not just what DID is…but also what it is not.

How can we make more room for complicated, contradictory, or unfinished stories?

That is what I think therapy is meant to do…again…making sense…understanding the impact of our life. That is the story I wanted to tell.

What responsibility, if any, do you think writers have when sharing stories about their own lives?

To be true to themselves….to know their voice.

What advice do you have for others who are writing, or want to write about their own experiences?

I think just to write what they feel…felt…know…to tell the story they want to share.

What keeps you motivated to continue exploring your personal stories?

Every time I tell my story I feel a little more liberated about how I live life.

What metaphor best describes your relationship with your past?

The map of how I arrived….that you can get there from here….the truth is your friend.

What does being witnessed mean to you, and how is that different from being understood?

I think this is the job of good therapy – Dr. Siegel called it “the feeling of feeling felt”…being seen, safe, soothed and secure.

What’s something ordinary (song, smell, food, etc.) that brings you joy?

My son brings great joy to my life always…my two rescue pups who have done so much of their own healing in the year they’ve been with me…living in nature.

What gives you hope?

Life & living offers me hope daily…always…..

If you could go back to when you first started writing A Brilliant Adaptation, what would you tell yourself?

It’s going to be a great ride!

What books about memoir, DID, the craft of writing or other areas do you recommend for people who want to share their writing?

For me it was important to find my own voice…

What makes a good story?

I just know one when I find one.

What book are you reading right now?

Breathwork & Psychotherapy by Jessica Dibbs, The Mindful Therapist, Second Edition by Dan Siegel, and Regime Change by Jonathan Swan & Maggie Haberman.

If A Brilliant Adaptation were adapted to film, who would you want to play the role of you?

This is a fun question and all I can say is there are so many good young actresses out there – any one of them!

What’s something you wish people asked you about more often?

I don’t really know – but a question that I get asked often and it always surprises me are questions about did I ever reconnect with my family.

If you gave this chapter of your life a title, what would you call it?

Oh – the adventure continues…

If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

I just look forward to the questions people have to ask – so often because of DID people feel that they could upset me….but that is what healing has been for me – I am open to talking about it all.

What would you like to say that hasn’t come up?

Something that actually comes up often and seems to be the most difficult aspect of my story for so many to understand is that I no longer dissociate – that I no longer have segregated states of mind. I didn’t eliminate the information my childhood states adapted to keep me safe – the states became integrated – linked, maintaining all the knowledge and experience so I now fully know the story of my life while no aspect of it continues to haunt me. I simply know it all as a whole person living with a full 360-degree view of my life.

What’s next for you?

Working on a second book….presenting with Dan at the Oxford Transform Trauma Conference in September, and some other speaking invitations through next year…